I'm old

I'm sitting in the University of Washington Savery Hall waiting for my class to start.  I'm sitting on a bench in the hallway.  For the last 10 minutes, there have been these two girls having a very lively conversation.  I have my headphones on and am listening to some AFP.  I usually listen with the volume at 5/8.

They are less than 2 feet in front of me.

They are talking so loud that even 7/8 volume is not blocking them out (notice the volume people!!).

I took a picture and had to lean way back.

They didn't take the hint.

I'm so old.


it is now over. . .

Why does my frickin' eye twitch?

A couple of months ago, my left eye lid (on the outside) started twitching.  At first it was a bit annoying and I figured it would go away.

It hasn't.

So, last month I started doing a google search (I know google is not a good diagnoser and that I should see a "real" doctor, but I HAD to - you totally know what I mean).  I put typed, "why does my e" and google filled in the rest, "ye twitch?"

The first article that appears in the list is "8 Causes of Eye Twitching".  It kind of gave an overview at the top, but I went straight to the list.

Know this - I stopped reading after the fourth cause

1.  stress (did I say I started a new job?)
2.  tiredness (have you met my insomnia - I'm sure if you read my twitter feed you have)
3.  eye strain (oh yeah, my job, on computers. constantly.)
4.  caffeine/alcohol

SERIOUSLY???  apparently I have to chill out, sleep, get a new job (and it can't be writing on a computer), and give up caffeine and alcohol.

yeah - and gun control will happen in less than 3 months.

I will write a poem about this fucking eye twitch. It will be grand and descriptive.  You will know this small muscle and the torture it inflicts upon my sanity. Which explains why I think my social media humiliation will make it stop.  I hate you fucking eye twitch.

New Year's Resolutions or making promises to myself I never kept before but will be different this time

So, I think I've come up with my five resolutions for the year.  I can't remember ever having made resolutions and making them, so this is probably an exercise in futility. . . but I seem to excel at futility.  BUT, I did walk a marathon this  year and it was something I said I was going to do and although I did have some serious help on that one (thank you my ciaracat), I think that helped me realize I could actually say I was going to do something and do it.

So here goes - (this is the fireworks from New Years if you want to see - I felt like it was a good send off to my resolutions - it starts at about 1minute in)

1.  Stay more connected to my mom, sister, niece and nephews, my in-laws - my family

My sister moved from Wisconsin to North Carolina in the last days of 2012.  I haven't been the best of sisters or aunts in terms of . . . well, in staying in touch (or really anything else).  It is the same for me being a less than stellar daughter (or daughter-in-law).  I have used excuse after excuse to not call or not have time or not send gifts or letters or emails - all really stupid excuses. . . there's the time zone, and I need to decompress after work and then by the time I'm decompressed, it's too late to call.  I don't like talking on the phone. I forgot. I don't have time. They're busy. Just not good reasons to not be in touch with your family.

so - all done - I love them very much.  They are so funny and I always feel so awesome after talking to them.  In fact, I think I'll interrupt this particular post to go and talk with them.  You won't know how long, but I will and I know it'll be awesome. (it was - I sang Happy Birthday to my nephew, Sam!)

Sam and Gavin getting the birthday whip cream treatment!

2.  Write every day

 even just a little - even if I don't post it - even if it doesn't make sense - even if it isn't for writing class - even when I don't want to - even letters and emails to my family (see how I do that - tie things together like that!!) - even if it's bad. . . plus, I think this will help me with writing in general.  I AM an icicle (that will make sense some day, I promise).

Jen hit it on the head with this journal gift

3.  Post to my blog at least twice weekly

I like to do it and I think some of you like it. I write them in my head all the time.  This is just one of those "choose to do it" times - I know what I want to say, I just need to sit my ass down and write it!

these are you lovely people loving me back!

4.  Give myself a budget and stay on the budget

This one is harder.  I am (apparently) a person not motivated by money.  I get it, then I spend it. I don't have credit cards and I don't spend more than I have.  I just never have anything left over after two weeks of paying bills and being completely selfish.  So, I put a budget on paper - I'll keep you posted (I mean, I have to write to you at least twice a week - it says so right above this).

this is bunny - she's my budget bank kitty

5.  Lose 10lb

I lost 20lbs last year and gained 5lbs back and if I go for 10lbs for the whole year, that's good, right?  I want to do this so I feel better about myself.  But as I look at the goal - is that the goal? Do I need to lose 10lbs?  Yes, yes, I do.  I probably need to lose 20lb more (no more than that), but it is such a weird goal.  I want to be healthy and feel good which I think means I have to lose weight.  But maybe - maybe I think I made it the goal because I can measure it.


A word on Measurement
Speaking of measurement - I love to measure things.  I like to crunch numbers and see trends, dig in and figure out how to improve things or see if we've met goals.  I normally leave this at work, but I think for me to feel like I can actually achieve these goals, I probably should measure myself (there are lots of studies that show this helps - measuring to get to a goal - I'd link to one, but I think if you google it, they'll come up).

So - are my goals measurable?  Why yes . . . yes they are!!

Goal 1 - My skype journal and email and text count will show me how well I'm doing.  I have to go back and measure from the previous year (cuz I can), and then I'll put it in a spreadsheet, set myself a reminder for weekly or monthly to update it, count and see how I'm doing.  I'll have to give updates through out the year. . . anyway - exciting!!!

Goal 2 - I will have to take a count of my journal entries and my computer entries and my blog entries. . . and then blah blah blah with spreadsheets and have data joy.

Goal 3 - the good thing about this goal, is that I only have to go one place for it - and you guys can tell me too - but I can put in how many times a week I did write. . . and then blah blah blah data bliss.

Goal 4 - Well, that's already in a spreadsheet. . . and I'll be able to tell you whether or not I kept to it.  Mikal does not believe I can do this, which means I MUST do it to spite him (he's very good at reverse psychology).  This is already data bliss for me.

Goal 5 - I know how much I weigh now, I weigh myself each day so . . .this one is also easy to measure.

I'd love to hear about your resolutions. . . I love you, love me, kaypea

A big YEAR

I was thinking about my last 12 months and trying to figure out what I had been doing because I felt lazy (again).  I often pontificate about my penchant for procrastination (see this post) which I think must be annoying to you that follow my goings on, but I do often feel this way.  But after I took a look at what I had done over the year, I found that I was anything but lazy.

I started off the year vowing to retire from theater. . . and then started rehearsals for Cabaret.  To be fair, this is a show I wanted to do - NEEDED to do.  It was a gig working with Terri Weagant.  Who doesn't want to do that?  NO ONE - I love her and I loved her vision of a story I had never heard (do not judge me for never having seen it before).  In addition, it was a gig working with Jesse McNeece who had done the music for Rocky Horror (another show I had never seen) (oh and he's in this band).  Jesse's Rocky Horror will always be MY Rocky Horror and no other.  I can't even listen to that other stuff.  It is now the same with Cabaret.  It was an amazing time with amazing people.  One of the highlights of this particular show as seeing Gary Zinter perform.  I had been by his side as his right hand woman for many show before, but had not seen him perform like this - not ever.  And it was EPIC.  EPIC people.  Then. . . then there was the fantastical Monica Wulzen. . . shit - if you heard her Sally Bowles you would never want to listen to Liza Minelli again - WAIT WAIT - I CAN SHOW YOU!!

And if being with four of my favorite artists (and people) wasn't enough, I met some amazing artists through the process and got to work with some people I have loved for years.  If I could find links for them, I put them

Josh Hartvigson
Rebecca Davis
Todd Hull
Daniel Wood
Kayla Walker
Tadd Morgan
Brett Brennan
Peter Farrar
Mckenna Turner
Kacey Shiflet
Marquetta Miller
Julia Griffin
Joan Jankowski
Cole Stevens
Kate Moore - she makes my hair beautiful!
Sara Porkalob
Cassidy Katims
Christine Denker
Anita Goodmann
Jeffery Henry
ArtStar Charlatan
Rodney Shrader
Emma Hassett
Julia Evanovich - a most fantastical artist with vision I wish I had
Jordan Christianson - most fracking talented wonderful awesome man who made me a princess superhero

During that experience, I also decided, after having seen myself in some pictures, lost 20lbs.  I worked hard at it and used something called the HCG diet.  It's not for everyone, but it worked for me.  And I've kept the weight off (except these last 5lbs during the holiday season) off for the whole year.  I have info on this diet if you are interested.

While I was working on Cabaret, Jesse suggested this thing called Kickstarter (something Monica had tried to get me to look into for a year before - sorry Monica!!).  And I fell in love.  We raised more than $2000 for Cabaret through crowd-funding.  I have, to this date, helped fund more than 17 projects for different artists.  I LOVE IT!  Many of my friends have been recipients of some of the kickstarter items.  I think Rick Simon has a wallet, Ciara a small art box, Alan is getting something later in the year and my husband has some art we'll be hanging on the wall.  It's amazing.
This is how I met Amanda Palmer (well, met her metaphorically anyway).  Meeting AFP was the most flood gate opening avalanche of inspiration I ever experienced. Ask anyone that knows me and they'll tell you that Amanda Fucking Palmer is pretty much the only music that I've listened to since June.  It's a bit embarrassing.  But in addition to loving her music, she is really the reason I've done all the OTHER stuff in my life in the past 6 months.  She inspired me.  Everyone (all you wonderful friends) have told me the whole time that I'm talented and worth it and I should go after what I want, but until I heard Amanda Palmer, I didn't believe it.
The thing is, she does this for almost every person that she meets, every person that listens to her music, every person that she's touched in some way or another.  If you read her blog, you will be amazed at her life, her strength, her friends, her fans, her music, and the karmic bank account she holds.  She is living the life I wanted as a younger me but was just too afraid to live.  Maybe I put her too much up on the pedestal, but honestly, I needed something to kick me in the pants.  And maybe it wasn't just Amanda Palmer that was the catalyst for the life I feel like I live and love now.

I guess I was searching. . . after Cabaret, I retired from theater.  No one believes that I actually retired, but other than doing a fantastic and awesome show for my friend Mitzy Sixx for her birthday (at ReBar), I ACTUALLY retired.  I have not done any shows since.  I haven't been asked either, but I also haven't gone looking for them.  I wanted to follow my own creative path.

So, how does this lead to AFP unleashing the creative explosion in me?  Well, I didn't know where to focus my energy or time.  I sewed and knitted.  I made myself a dress, some reusable shopping bags, more fingerless gloves (and despite what my husband says, I only have three pairs now).  I thought about making everyone's christmas gift (this did not happen).  But I got bored and did not have the patience.

My next move was volunteering for Noise for the Needy.  It's a great group that chooses a different deserving organization and who doesn't want to go to see local bands play?  I met a great group of people and went to several venues I had never been to before.  It was quite fun to be on the volunteering end where I just showed up, did as they asked and then went home.  I didn't have to organize anyone! I would love to do it again.

I also met a whole new group of people and at least one Wednesday a month is totally worth it. It is the Bus Stop Dub Club; a club where people who like music get together and tell each other about music they like.  Jesse invited me and I was a bit nervous because the people in it are DJs and people that work at music venues and musicians and stuff. . . and then there's me, a person who just likes music.  But I should not have been afraid. They are lovely, inviting, and sometimes they even like my music.  The best part about that night is that they play your playlist in the bar (it makes me feel famous)!

There is one thing that I haven't really talked about that I've done in the last 4 months.  Mostly because you might show up if I told you about it.  It is way easier to do it when you are anonymous in a room full of strangers.  I've been doing a couple of these events called "storytelling".  They give you a theme, the story must be true, it must have happened to you and you are not allowed to use notes.  And then people come and listen to you tell stories. It's amazing.  And I've performed.  More than once.  And no one has booed (they aren't the booing type). So. . . I may keep doing that.  And keep not telling you.

So, I was volunteering and doing other cool things, but still searching for something.  And that's when Ciara emailed me and asked me if I wanted to walk a marathon.  TOTAL INSANITY.  So, I said yes, walked a 5K, two 10Ks, a 1/2 marathon and the marathon (I talked about here).  The point is that I was "looking for something".  Each of the walk training sessions was with AFP and her music and lyrics just spoke to me. And I let loose!  The rest of the year was a crazy flurry of things to do and see and create.

Amanda Palmer was in the news everywhere for her Kickstarter Campaign being so successful.  That lead to articles on crowd-funding in general.  I had been successful myself with the Cabaret campaign and decided I was going to put the theory that it could work to the test.  I crowd-funded a sponsorship for a table at the University District Food Bank Auction this year.  It's an auction I love (it's awesome and involves amazing people - I'm talking about you Megan Knight) and go to every year. Through the love, kindness, and caring of people I know and people I don't know, it was successful.  I talked about it earlier this year here and here.

That was an amazing fantastical time and it made me believe in myself and the humanity of others and now I didn't want to stop! And it was political season.  Historically, I tell people, if you don't vote, you don't get to complain.  So, this particular year was important to me for the presidential campaign - I didn't care WHO you voted for (well, I did. .. but I'm not going to hate you because of who you believe in), as long as you voted.  I had never been "involved" in the political campaigns but this year, I went and donated to several political campaigns.  If you don't think you can affect your government, you are wrong, local government and local government officials can be the change you want.  In this new endeavor (thank you Megan Knight) I met Noel Frame, who is an amazing amazing, amazing woman.  And although she didn't win I know she will do great things in the future.  I hope to see her out there again and I will donate again.  Please read about the awesome things this woman does.

Meeting people like Noel and listening to her made me want to do even more.  So, I volunteered to phone bank for Washington United for Marriage.  It was an amazing expereience where I called people in Washington State and talked to them about ensuring that all Americans have the equal rights and one of those rights is marriage.  I even managed to convince someone that they would think about voting to make it legal for everyone (at the beginning he was telling me how he would NEVER vote for it, so talking him into a place where he'd even think about it seemed like a victory).  And guess what, my state, has decided that every person has the right to marry any person they love.  I made a difference.

Speaking of marriage - I also celebrated my 1 year anniversary married to Mikal and got to go on my Honeymoon to Turkey!  Turkey is beautiful and my time there was amazing.  There is so much to tell about Turkey, I couldn't possibly do it here, but here are some pictures and a funny posting about their TV (so interesting).

Turkey Day 2

I was in Turkey when my Amanda Palmer album dropped.  I spent about an hour trying to download it on my ipad (it was the only musical device I had with me since Mikal wouldn't let me bring the iphone).  This hour seriously delayed my ass sitting on the beach time for the day.  But it was COMPLETELY worth the wait.  Check it out here, if you want - it's pay what you want - I would pay at the high level EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.  And that's just ONE of the things that is cool about her - she knows we all can't afford that.

I was happy. . . there are pictures.

When I got back, two very significant things happened.  1) I applied AND GOT IN to "writing school".  and 2) I saw Amanda Palmer in concert (and word a fucking fantastical outfit made by the lovely and ridiculously talented Jordan Christanson).  These are two things that cannot be explained in 1 paragraph each.  They both deserve their own postings and gods willing I stick to my new year's resolutions, you will see in the future.

And while that was all happening, I saw some shows - great shows, fun shows, shows with my peeps, shows with my step-daughter, shows with my husband, shows I talk about, shows that I don't talk about, shows.  Here are some of my favorite shows I saw this past year.

• Mama Mia
• Bloc Party
• First Date
• Elf
• Legally Blonde
• {title of show}
• Wicked

I am ending this year with excitement for next year.  If the last 12 months of my life doesn't say some cool shit, then I should just stop trying. . . but 1) COOL SHIT and 2) it's not in my nature.

Can wait to tell you more tales in 2013.