Day 5 - pain levels

well. . . I knew it wouldn't last.  Yesterday, the pain returned.  I was at a pain level of 6-7 and muscle spasms abounded.  Yuck.

And quitting smoking sucks really really badly.

Quitting Smoking. . . AHHHH

Ok - I have to say, this sucks so bad.  I really really want a cigarette.  The worst part about it is that I only really have one a day.  And not even having the one is killing me.

The best part?  Holy ravioli, I have to say, the best part is that when I post on Facebook, I get so much positive encouragement.  How could I not quit?  I might disappoint all of you.  I'm staying strong and having some lasagna.  . . . unfortunately, it's my second choice sine my Chicken Tikka Masala is not going to happen (Annapurna is closed - AHHHH).  I know, food isn't the best replacement, but to be serious, I haven't eaten since 2pm, so it's not so bad.

Thank you everyone.  Much appreciated.

BTW - pain level is up to 5 - I am having bad spasm, especially in my upper peck on the right side.  Driving me crazy!

Pain level Journal - Day 1 (though, really day 4)

The neurosurgeon told me I needed to keep track of my pain level until I meet him again.  Since my appointment is not until Friday, May 27th, I have a couple of weeks to keep track.  I'm going to start with the day of the injection until now.   The first day is a bit verbose because you have to keep track every hour for several hours.

Day 1 - May 12, 2011

• Starting Pain level (out of 10) - 7
• 15 minutes post injection - 2
• 30 minutes post injection - 1
• 1 hour post injection - 2
• 2 hours post injection - 2
• 3 hours post injection - 4 (though, I think this had to do with the injection site)
• Then I slept
• 11 hours post injection - 3
• 12 hours post injection - 3
• 13 hours post injection - 3



see the red on my neck?  That's the injection site!

• 14 hours post injection - 3

I have to say - a 3 out of 10 feels like HEAVEN!!  (pretty funny the apple photo effects randomly picked my injection site!)

Day 2 - May 13, 2011

• Pain level - 4
• No muscle spasms

Day 3 - May 14, 2011

• Pain level - 4
• muscle spasms started in the evening around 7pm

Day 5 - May 15, 2011

• Pain level - 4
• muscle spasms right away in the morning - needed to take muscle relaxers. . . they only died down for now.  Needed to take multiple times during the day.

Anyway - we'll see how it goes!

new leaves. . .

Willing it to Shine!

Yesterday I tried to quit smoking. . . and I failed on the first day.

Today is a new day.  Today I am going to try again.  Today I will be stronger.  Today I am stronger.

I think I let too much of the other things in my life be excuses to my ability to be better.  It is truly those things that make me who I am and make me better.

This week I found out several things that are. . . .let's call them. . . "opportunities to grow" - things I suggest above are my excuses.  Perhaps I can use these as excuses, but really, they are the things that make you better, stronger, more alive.   I need to make this the time to turn over a new leaf.  Not just in smoking, but in other ways too.  First the things that I use as excuses for not being the best person I could be.

Mikal found out he has severe femoral nerve damage.  We don't know what the future holds for him in that arena, and so we move forward to try to work within that world - for an active man, it's a hard blow.  Lots of internet research to understand the long term affects aren't all that encouraging.

On the heels of that, I had an MRI and a reading of that MRI.  The result?  I met a neurosurgeon. . . My tasks here?  Well, on Thursday I had an injection in the area of C7 where I have a herniated disc.  The neurosurgeon has asked that I journal my level of pain so that he can help determine that surgery may or may not help.  The theory here is that if the injection seems to help, surgery is likely to also help in a more permanent way.

Internet searches are my enemy.  I have decided that people only post when it's negative because it's on their minds.  If they have had success, then why think of it at all?  Whether this is a delusional thinking or not, it's what I'll choose to believe for the time being.  I have wonderful friends that have given me names of folks that have had this type of surgery with much success.

After this news, I felt it was time to quit smoking.  I don't do it much anyway, however, smoking is smoking is smoking.  When I successfully have not smoked for a year, I will be much healthier anyway.  Unfortunately, I am a social smoker especially when alcohol is involved.  And last night, my will did not stand.  I had a great time at a friend's auction event.  There was wine - and it was "included" with my ticket.  So. . .I had three cigarettes.  This is actually more than I normally have.  I usually only have one or maybe two a day and can go days without it.

I also did something pretty horrible.  I forgot a very good friend's birthday.  I hate that I cannot keep up with all of the most important things in my life.  I need to re-prioritize.  So, I take today to do so.  

New leaves - no smoking, no excuses, no forgetting, no getting bogged down in the "what ifs".  On Monday, I actually posted a picture of the back of my head - I was willing a good sunny day - it didn't exactly work until the end of the day.  I'm using it as one of the pictures in today's posting because it's sort of a representation of what I want to do for the rest of my life - I'm willing it to be sunny.