A Very Merry Scary Gary Christmas!

My dad totally came through!  He read the blog and donned the Scary Gary mask!  It rocks - but not nearly as scary as I remember it.  I'm guessing being 36 and not 6 makes a HUGE difference!  Thanks Dad for bringin' it out and Thanks Mom for takin' the pic! Enjoy and Merry Christmas to everyone!

fondest of memories

Tonight started out like most of the nights I've had over the last few weeks; work ends, I run to the car and dash to some theater thing, then home to help Mikal with his knee, then watch a little tele, then do some numbers for the theater, and finally off to bed.  So, I had gotten to the "then watch a little tele", when some weird magic happened and my night changed for the better.

Magic you ask - well, it's that really random but wonderful magic of memories.  They hit you when you least expect it.  I'm not sure if it is the holidays, my time of the month, or just a serendipitous coincidence.  A memory that makes you smile or chuckle - but in my case, I felt like a child can feel; happy and like there isn't anyone cooler than . . . your dad.  I'm not sure what I was doing or what made me remember, but I decided, after sharing it with Mikal, that I needed to share with all of you.  And really hope he reads it.  Then he'll know how much I love him (even if these words are inadequate, they are the closest way for me to say it) and how much I love my mom for marrying him (I love her for other reasons, but this is near the top of the list).

You're screaming at me - DUDE! what is the memory already - ok - I'm there.

Every year for Halloween, my dad, Gary, would dress up with this mask and cape.  The mask was of this old man, but his ears were really pointy and his teeth were sharp and scary (now, the sad thing is that I have no pictures to actually show you what it DID look like - remember, this is my childhood memory; it could be completely made up - you'll have to wait for my dad to tell you it's real).  I remember the cape being black with a brilliant lining of red satiny material.  So dramatic.  While children were trick or treating, every time the doorbell rang, my dad would jump out from the door and say, in his best deep voice, "wah haa haa haa haa" - it was pretty scary - pretty cool scary!

Next door lived a small boy about 5 or more years younger than we, named Jeremy.  I remember this particular year as being about 5 or 7.  Jeremy was knocked off his rocker when dad first answered the door; scared silly - silly scared, then laughing hysterically.  It became a tradition.

And once Jeremy knew that a scary man would answer our door every once in a while, he'd try it out regularly.  Yes, we would randomly answer our door to a Jeremy asking for "Scary Gary".  At first we didn't understand, because upon Jeremy wait for us to open the door and in his fit of excitement waiting to be scared and when he WASN'T laughing so hard his words were unitelligble, "issthh sctharty garee here"?

And he did it three or four times before we understood "issth sctharty garee here" to be "is scary gary here"?  So, what did dad do?  March over to our neighbors and tell them their son was doorbell ditching?  OF COURSE NOT.  My dad did the best thing possible: he went and got the mask and when the doorbell rang again, he jumped out and SCARED Jeremy silly!  It to fits of laughing. 

How cool is that?  It's even cooler when you find out that my dad is my step-dad.  He met my sister and me when we were 3 and 5.  In fact, my mom wasn't sure he'd be ok with two kids, but his response was close to, "well, we'll bring 'em along" - to the drop zone - where you jump out of planes.  He loved us.  That's the coolest part.  And he loved the neighbor kids.  And now - he loves his grandkids - he's so cool, what does one of my nephews want to be when he grows up?  A pilot - like his Gary (Gary is the noun for grandpa - the kind of grand parent who prefers to be called Gary - but grandma is Colleen  - so what's a 5 year to think?)

Anyway, I hope he reads this.  I love him and tonight, my whole night was full of sweet memory because of Jeremy and Gary's Scary Gary.  Thanks dad.

Love you,
love me.

It's official!

kp Ramsdale has been involved with theatre for over 17 years.  She originally lived in Madison, Wisconsin and migrated her way West to this wonderful city of Seattle where there is a gold mine of theatre opportunity.  She started her experience having seen an Open Circle Theater production of Re-animator.  Being an H.P. Lovecraft fan, she fell in love immediately and asked, on closing night, to be part of this quirky, talented and daring theater.  OCT welcomed her in 2003 with open arms as their assistant stage manager for Ondine. Since then, she has stage managed, house managed, or been involved in more than 8 shows and the most recent Eat My Shorts festival at Open Circle Theater.  In addition to OCT, she has also lent her organizational talents to Seattle Musical Theater for Honk! and Jane Eyre and the Fischer Ensemble where she managed a production that travelled to New York.  In her life outside of theatre, she manages change at a global logistics company in an IT department of over 600 here in Seattle for the last 5 years.  She is excited to take her experience in the business world and mix it with her love of theater to work as the Managing Director at Open Circle Theater.

A story people wanted to hear. . .it's a little ratty

So, for some reason, last week at work we were swapping bus stories.  So, I told a story related to a "fuzzy" time in my life.  Fuzzy in more than one way.  You'll see what I mean.

In April of 2008 I went to the  Passport to Woodenville.  For those of you that haven't heard of this event, it involves a lot of wine in two days.  If you're doing it right, you're using the spitters.  There are those of us that. . . well. . . don't.

My friends Harry and Barb took me out as I hadn't been in a while (it was only about 6 months after Alistair passed away) and we had a good two days.  The original plan was for me to hang with Barb and Harry at their house the first night.  Woodenville isn't too far from my house in downtown Seattle, but it was far enough that we didn't want to bother with driving.  It would be like a "staycation" for me.

The sad part was that my cat, CJ, well, Alistair's cat, was very ill.  He had beeb diagnosed with colon cancer and wasn't going to be with us much longer.  The vet said that as long as he was still eating and cuddling, he was doing ok.  His eating and cuddling had gotten more feeble, so I wasn't very inclined to spend any time away from him.  He was 19, and he had had a good life, but I was not yet ready to spend any time away from him.  Those of you that knew Alistair and his love for cats (specifically CJ) know that CJ led a VERY spoiled life!

So instead of staying the night at Harry and Barb's house, I opted to take the 522 home that night and then back the next day in order to spend more time with CJ.  This is where the adventure begins. . .

I was a bit fuzzy when I got on the bus. . . remember, there are those of us that don't use the spitter at the winery events (this is a cautionary tale for those of you that don't use the spitters, to USE THE SPITTERS).  We had visited at least 15 wineries at that point, so a bit fuzzy was a good way to describe myself.  It was also about 8pm-ish. . .

About two stops later (it's a 1/2 hour bus ride - give or take a few minutes), a man got on the bus with a duffel bag.  When I had boarded the bus, I had taken the first seat at the front on the left side of the bus; he took the two across the aisle.  The ride went as per normal for a few more stops.  Then he opened his duffel bag and pulled out. . .are you ready?

A RAT - a baby one, but a RAT.

I was a bit, let's say, bewildered, but not grossed out or anything.  Remember, I'm a bit fuzzy.

This is an interesting turn of events, so I go ahead and say hi and ask him about his rat.  He tells me the following:  He has just left his warehouse in Woodenville to pick up his pet rats to bring to Seattle.

ok - did I hear the right?  I did, so I ask about why he is bringing them to Seattle and how many he brought.  He proceeds to open his duffel bag and which point a do blanch a bit because there are at least 30, yes 30 rats in the duffle bag.  One of them is HUGE since it's the mama.

Hmmmm. . . he then asks me if I want to hold one.  Do, I freak out, do I decline, do I accept?  A non-fuzzy person would probably decline, but remember. . . I didn't spit.  So, I picked one up.   Please forgive the quality of the pictures. . . remember, fuzzy.

As it turns out, baby rats are fuzzy too.  And AWFULLY cute and cuddly.  How do I know?  He had me hold another one.

  They are super adorable and very friendly.  And curious.  They like to travel.
  They had so much fun, they eventually fell asleep for the rest of the ride.  I was so intrigued. . . or fuzzy. . . or, well, I'm not sure what possessed me.  

But I decided that I wanted to take a picture of the guy that sells rats from a warehouse in Woodenville.  He looks. . . like he sells rats from a warehouse in Woodenville.

Anyway, I made it home safe. . .


And I made it back the next day.  I spit more that day.  Thanks Harry and Barb!

I must be crazy

I was writing an email to my parents because they want to come and visit in the fall, and I realized that I'm totally insane!  I was trying to figure out the best time to have them visit and it's not going to be easy.  Why?  Let me tell you.

So, I'm doing this show called Eat My Shorts.  It's a film festival and the winners get to go to Bumpershoot.  It's really cool with 24 plays over three weekends plus a winning weekend AND a weekend at Bumpershoot.  Check it out and come join us if you please!  Open Circle Theater is sponsoring this event.  I haven't worked with them in so long, but I'm so excited to be doing so again.  They rock.  Check them out too!

Then I was thinking about September, but that's kind of out too. . . except for maybe two weekends.  I will be finishing up the Eat My Shorts festival at Bumpershoot the first weekend in September, and then Ciara and I are going to the wonderful city of Portland, Oregon!  We'll be partaking in public transportation via the train AND eating at the famous BW3!  How awesome is that?

After that, I'm taking photos at a wedding for my friend on October 2nd and then I'm hoping another friend will be marrying two weekends from that.  Very exciting!

Right now?  I'm at work.  It's a Sunday. . . and I am supposed to be at a Mariners/Red Sox game. . . and if everything goes as planned, I will make it.  But it still sucks that I'm here.

Mostly, I've gotten a lot of theater stuff done and written this blog.  Exciting huh?

The other thing that's come up is next week is Alistair's birthday.  I'm going to be celebrating his birth at the Hard Rock Cafe.  I have two days I celebrate Alistair - July 28th - his birthday and April 1st - our anniversary.  I usually have two scotches.  One with one cube of ice (for me) and one with half water (he like to make it watery. . .yuck, but it makes me smile every time the bartender says - "really?").  But when we lived in Hawaii, we used to go to the Hard Rock Cafe down the street from where we lived all the time.

Why you ask?  Well, first, they have CHEAP happy hours and when you live in Hawaii, cheap anything is a bonus.  Plus he liked the wings since there wasn't another place to get them (hence my pilgrimage to Portland in September).  I liked the salads and it is a warm member.  So, raise a glass of watery scotch for Alistair next Wednesday.  I will be too.

GEEZ! I'm soooo lazy

UGH!  even when I think I'll be held accountable for my actions, I STILL don't follow through.  I did pretty good for 21 days and did lose 9lbs.  However, I then WRECKED my back first, picking up my remote control (yes, bending down to pick up my remote control) AND THEN I wrecked while I was recovering by stepping on my dress which in turn pulled my neck down and I completely fell over. . . yes, this is talent.


So, it's been since April 4th since I've really done anything.  The "good" news is that I've only gained some of the lost weight back.  I'm about 175, so I kept of 4lbs. . . which isn't much of a feat, but at least it's something.  I also cut most of my hair off, and if you've seen how long my hair was, you'll probably say I just cut 4lbs off there!  But I wasn't allowed to exercise (not even walk to work).  So, I really threw myself into getting better.   I bought flat shoes (EWWWWWW) and got rides to work instead of carrying my huge backpack.  I also followed doctors' orders and didn't do any exercising.

Today it's been exactly 6 weeks since I've had to have an adjustment from NUCCA.  I think this is absolutely amazing to me.  I used to have to get them every week.  But now, I feel wonderful (except for the fat part) and I started walking to work and working out a couple times a week (except last week because of the AWFUL heat).

I did pick up some really bad eating habits in the last three months, so I haven't been doing well in that department.  So, I'm going to try this "diet" thing again.  I took more pictures and will post them tomorrow.  I have to do my measurements and post all that again.  The NUCCA doctor told me I could do some light core work about 4 weeks ago, so I did that plus started walking just to get some practice.  I also went to the gym and did some light elliptical.  So, I'm back in the game.  BRING ON THE SASSY WATER.

I know - you're excited right?  right. . . I can hear the sarcasm dripping off your responses. 

Anyway - thanks for all the encouragement the last time.  I'm going to need it again. 

Much love to you all!

Day 21 - not bad, but not following. . .

So, let's start with the numbers:

Weight: 170 - Total loss 9lbs
Belly (the largest part around my mid area): 37.5 - total loss 1.5"
Waist (the real waist line): 32" - total loss 2"
Hips (including the butt): 39.75" - total loss 2.25"
Left Thigh: 23.75" - total loss .25"
Right Thigh: 23.5" - total loss .5"
Bust (the below part): 34.75" - total loss .25
Boobs: 40" - total loss 1.5"
Left Arm: 13" - total loss .5"
Right Arm: 13.25" - total loss .5

Total inches = 9.25
Total lbs = 9


I'm kind of impressed with a few things about the diet, about my progress, and about what I've learned both about food and about myself.

Here's the deal.  The first week and a half I found myself thinking about food ALL THE TIME.  I had never been good at staying on a diet where I didn't like the food.  Here's the thing about this one.  I really like the food, but I had never really cooked anything like this stuff, so I spend a TON of time looking at the recipes and trying to figure out what I was going to eat.  It became overwhelming AND distracting to nearly everything else I was doing.

So, I have stuck to a few guiding principles of this diet and stopped following it like a religion where I strictly only eat what they have in the book.  Here are those guiding principles.

Move (yes, Scott you are right) and move more than you did before.  And I really like moving.  I like working out.  I have walked to work every day for the last three weeks except for 2 days (and that's because it was blowing rain sideways AND I was late.  But really, I have actually worked out 6 days a week at home for at least 10 - 15 minutes.  That's all the work out in the book really calls for (in addition to your walking).  And it's getting easier.  If there is ONE THING you should learn about any exercise program is that IT WILL GET EASIER.  So, it's okay if you don't do every thing the first week or even the second or third week.  It gets easier.  In fact, I've decided to change it up and do another kind of work out.  I like it.

Drink water - I never used to do this.  I makes you pee a heck of a lot more, but it really really helps in your ability to not be hungry.  And GUESS WHAT - it's good for your skin and your body.  I found that I really enjoyed drinking sassy water.  And making sassy water.  So, I drink it a lot more.  This helps you lose weight.

Portion control - it took two weeks for me to understand how much food was the right amount and caloric makeup (about 400 calories 4x a day).  It also too about 2 weeks for my enlarged stomach (our stomachs get stretched when we eat the HUGE amounts of food we have become accustom to) to get used to having smaller food.  This one is a no-brainer (yes Scott, again, you were right eat less).

EAT SLOWLY - so, I didn't actually do what they tell you in the book.  They tell you to not multi-task when you're eating.  Just focus on the eating part.  But if any of you know me (even a little), I pretty much cannot survive without multi-tasking (even as we speak, I'm watching television, writing, and have had a few side conversations with Mikal).  But I do savor the food more.  And if you eat more slowly, your mind can catch up with you and remind you that you're not hungry after the portion of food you've allotted.

So, I can safely say that this is working for me.  It really is.  I haven't really given up beer or wine or scotch or even ice cream when I want it.  It's about the choices I make about HOW MUCH, HOW FAST, WHETHER I MOVE MORE and NOT FEELING GUILTY for not following the diet exactly.   I mean, really - I've lost 9lbs in 21 days.  Pretty good.  And to be honest, I'm not even trying that hard.  I know that if I wanted to try harder, I'd work out more and plan better about my meals.  But the book preaches about stuff having to work for you.  And I'm learning.  I'll be happy with how this turns out in the remaining 11 days.  I may even try harder in the next 11 days.

Here's the cool news - my size 10 jeans are fitting a bit better.  Mikal has told me (without provocation) that he can tell on my hips and arms that I've lost some weight.  A person at work has mentioned it as well.  My nylons fit better around my thighs (I now know why larger people don't wear skirts - the rub of the thighs is AWFUL).

I look at the scale and it hovers at the 170 mark.  If next week I make it UNDER that tick mark on the scale - I'll be really really happy.  I feel better, I feel happier, and my clothes aren't uncomfortable anymore.  And I think I'll extend it beyond the 32 days.  I'll be doing this for the next couple of months and then I think I'll be where I want to be. . . back where I was a year ago.  Not a lofty goal - achievable.  Another thing I've learned. . . things are achievable.

Day 5 - finally some food

So, today I got to eat the following:

Toast with cashew butter (that I made myself!  like peanut butter, but with cashews) and raisins.

A turkey bacon cranberry cheese muffin sandwich with cashews -- this is so yum I want to eat it all the time.

Black bean dip with cheese, cumin, garlic and olive oil (again, that I made myself) and carrots to dip in it.

Pepperoni pizza and wine.

Okay - so a couple of things about this.  You should hear the inflection in my voice when I say "I made it myself".  There is a little head swagger that goes along with it.  Why?  Because it tastes so yummy.  I didn't finish all of the black bean dip stuff, but mostly because I was embroiled in a work thing.  I had to even bring it to my meeting to eat and I felt like a fool because I was eating in front of senior management.  But whatever, have to stay on the diet, right?

Again, I felt hungry after the breakfast, but that might be because I SCARFED it down before my first meeting rather than taking time out.  I mean I did take 6 whole minutes to eat it.  There is something to be said for enjoying food.  I was hungry when I went to eat the bean dip, but that's mostly because it was TIME to eat.  I was about a half hour late to eating (outside the 4 hours), so, I'll let that one pass.

I was NOT hungry however the entire time before the pizza.  Which is pretty cool considering I didn't eat all of the bean dip.  And, speaking of the pizza.  I had to improvise with some of the ingredients because my grocer didn't have some of the things on the list.  So, I've had to improvise a bit, but I'm sticking to the amount of calories in each meal.  I did have two glasses of wine with dinner, which is NOT part of the calories allotted.  But I've been really working on working out, so I don't feel badly about that.  And the book says that you can have alcohol in moderation AND if you account for it in the caloric intake of your day.  So, I did.  Besides, I'm going to be working out Saturday and Sunday in the gym.  So, I'm not going to take ANY guilt at all about this.

Day six has some other interesting food, so, we'll see how that goes.  I'm airing all my secrets about the things that I'm NOT doing that the book says to do, but I think I'm pretty proud of myself for sticking to the caloric intake and the exercise regime.  I did watch tv last night while I was eating the pizza, but I took more time out than normal to chew each piece.  And it kind of makes a difference.  The only part I don't like about that taking longer thing is the way the consistency of the food feels.  It's really mushy.  Now, I know that's the way it's supposed to be, but it takes some getting used to.  I'm a person who works at a million miles an hour as a pace, so it's hard for me to slow down.  But I think I'm trying.

Off to another successful day!

Day 4 - kind of amazing

So, I have to show you a picture of what is generally sitting on my living room table when I get home.  Mikal is sick and it's the only thing he asked for.   I have resisted for FOUR days the ENTIRE bag of Reeses Peanut Butter cups.  I have not had one.  It's pretty amazing.  And yes, for real, the stuff that has been sitting beside that bag are 1) my Sassy
Water - which Mikal says smells, but I really like it.  It has kick. 2) My Flat Belly Diet book.  I find this amusing.

As for What I ate yesterday:
Oatmeal
Dried Plums
Chopped Cashews with Cinnamon
Rice Krispies
Skim Milk (twice)
Raisins
Cinnamon Toasted Sunflower Seeds
Strawberry Smoothy
Turkey cutlet
brown rice
sauteed summer squash
Lots of Sassy Water

What I did:
Walked to Work
The Metabolism Workout
Walked at Lunch (shopping - and even got Mikal some presents)

How I feel:
Well, today was kind of tough.  I was hungry for my meal that I have at 11am and I was hungry for my meal to have at 3pm, but not as bad.  And I was hungry for my meal I made for 6:25.  But I also didn't follow the advice of taking time out for ANY of those meals.  I sort of did for dinner and it took me the longest, but really, I eat while I work and don't slow down.  But I should.  So, for next week, I have a goal of doing that for at least three of my meals.  Gotta start small right?

But for Day 5 - I'm excited.  I prepared all the food (and then some) for the next couple of days.  I have SO MUCH food in the house compared to the porportions I'll be making with that food.  So, I have a lot of things in the freezer and in plastic storage.  So, it should be interesting to see how much of it I use over the next weeks.

So, here's the big news:
Weight: 173.5 - loss of 5.5 lbs
Left Arm: 13" - .5" loss
Right Arm: 13.5" - .25" loss
Waist: 33" - 1.5" loss
Belly: 40" - .5" GAIN
Chest (below): 35.5" - .5" GAIN
Boobs: 40.5" - 1" loss
Right Thigh: 23.75 - .25" loss
Left Thigh: 23.75 - .25" loss

Overall loss in the last 96 hours
5.5lbs
2.75" overall

Though, I do have to say, my clothes don't fit any better.  I wanted to put a picture with this post, but the problem is that my magic mouse died in the middle of this posting, so I probably won't be able to post this even to facebook.    Wait, I just got it to work - geez, a thing should warn you about low batteries.

Okay, okay, I don't get points because it's "artistic".  I just like this photo type.  So, most of my pictures of me will be like this.  Maybe it'll show whether or not I'm losing.  That's for you to decide.

Anyway - I'm excited to eat some good food.

Day 3 - a couple more things

I spent about an hour at the grocery store trying to put together the amount of food for the three days after the first four days.  It cost me $94.  WHAT????  Plus it was really hard to find some of the things on the list for the recipes.  So, I had to make due with some non-list stuff.  I'm hoping I can figure out the calorie thing.

The other thing I must confess to is 1) I still am not taking time out to eat except at dinner and 2) I went 4.5 hours between eating rather than the MANDATORY 4.  I missed dinner by about a 1/2 hour, but that was because I was shopping and I had to cook when I got back.

Does anyone know how little 3oz of meat is?  It's little.  I feel hungry now and it's 9:11pm. . . so, I just have to drink some water and try to move on.  I'm hoping that on Day 5 when I get to eat NORMAL non boring food I won't be hungry.  The book CLAIMS I will be not hungry.  We'll see.

So, the thing the book wants me to journal about tonight is being mindful about my meals.  Taking the time without tv or reading or anything. ..

I don't particularly like looking at the wall and for real, the food is too boring.  I could if he food wasn't boring, but it is, so I don't want to just think about eating it.  But maybe that will change when I start the "real" part of the diet.

And here's another thing - I haven't had a crap in three days.  This is NOT NORMAL.  I know this is over share, but they say that you can lose up to 7.5 pounds in the first 96 hours. . . but I imagine that means you must expel things and this is a non bloat part of the diet and it's meant to compact stuff in your intestine (I know this is gross, but they do talk about it in the book).  The book explains all of this - and it's actually pretty interesting.  Okay - enough gross, but I just wanted to say. . . geez.

Okay what did I eat today

Rice Krispies
Skim Milk
Raisins
Cinnamon covered toasted sunflower seeds (YUM)

Peach smoothy (actually very good)

Turkey slices
Tomatoes (ANOTHER PINT - I dare anyone to say this isn't a lot when you eat them)
String cheese

Lemon marinated chicken
Green Beans
Roasted potatoes with olive oil and herbs (YUM)

LOTS OF SASSY water.  But I'll be having more water.

The good thing about today is that I did the belly buster work out and it was easier than on Monday.  Which is a bonus.  You do it every other day (alternate with the Metabolic one), so I get to look forward to something different every day.

I walked about 4 miles today too.  In fact, the last .5 mile was with 30lbs of groceries.  They were so heavy I had to carry them on my Shoulder.  It was tough.  I'm a weakling.

Lot's of love.  Tomorrow is the LAST day of the boring part.  I'm looking forward to Friday for SURE!

Day 3 - I've figured it out a bit more

So, today doesn't suck as badly.  But mostly, I think that's due to the fact that I figured out how to eat all of my sunflowers AND It tasted good.  And that I'm NEVER going to have what I have for lunch yesterday. 

Spices - it's all about spices.  I'm not a allowed to have salt, but they do tell you that you can have lots of spices.  I never really knew anything about spices before. . . but boy, am I going to have to learn.  Don't they all look de-lish?

Yesterday I toasted my sunflower seeds.  TODAY, I toasted them with cinnamon so that when I put them in my Rice Krispies with my raisins, it tasted DELICIOUS!   And I ate them all.

When I was doing my cooking of the turkey cutlets (they could be pretty boring without salt), I tried some chili spice, oregano, thyme, and rosemary with Lemon.  It didn't turn out exactly right, but it definitely made me realize (especially with my cinnamon discovery today) I want to try and find out how to do more and more spices.

But like I said about yesterday, I spend the evening last night plotting to take over the world (wait, that was pinky and the brain) = plotting  to take over with the really good food.  It actually sounds pretty good without any salt or spices, but I'm going to experiment.  PLUS I'm totally going to exploit my chef friend to help me put together some good spice combos.  SPICES SPICES SPICES.  . . never thought I would be so excited about them.  In fact, I'm so excited I remember this place down by the market that is in this old building full of spices.  I'm totally going there this weekend.  It's called World Spice Merchants and if you like spices, you should check it out. 

Anyway - Success - I'll write more later since there is more to tell!

Day 2 - it sucked

So, day two wasn't as good as day one.  Mostly because I'm not exactly following all advice.  What that means is that I'm not stopping and eating my meals without interruption.  I eat at my desk.  Other than that - I'm totally following the exercise and food diet part, just not the psychological stuff. . . well, at least not all of it.

I know, I know, tell me to follow the advice. . . but I have a lot of work.  But to be honest, I think it makes me take longer to actually finish my meal.

The other thing- again, I didn't exactly finish all of the food again.  Really it was only the sunflower seeds. I toasted them this time so they were much better to eat, but I tell you, it's really hard to each 1/4 cup of sunflower seeds.

I wasn't exactly hungry after the food, so that's good.  But I did want to eat before I needed to at 11am.  So, that was a bit hard.  And I didn't like the food for the day.  Here's what I ate

Pineapple smoothy - yuk and I won't be doing it again
pineapple pieces
rice krispies
skim milk
steamed carrots (I ate them cold b/c I ate them at my desk and they tasted what I imagine baby food tasting like, so they weren't my favorite)
tuna - plain - tuna plain is hard to swallow
string cheese (high light of the day)
mushrooms sauteed
turkey cutlets
brown rice (not a fan, but I'm following it)
sassy water - I actually really like this.

So, all in all, I didn't like the pineapple, the brown rice, the tuna, and the steamed carrots.  So it was not a good day.  Today is going to be better because I get to have raisins and potatoes.

Only two days of the bad time to go.  So, what did I do tonight to prepare?  I spent the time watching NCIS while reading the recipes for what I get to eat starting Friday.  I wrote down the 12 meals I get to eat for the three days after these first four hellish day.  It was kind of fun.  I put together all the like meals so the shopping would be consolidated.  It should be good to eat, I think. . .. so I'm telling myself it'll be worth it.

About exercise?  I did the metabolism work out, then walked 1.5 miles to work.  Then, the elevators didn't work, so I climbed 11 flights of stairs.  . . . I took the bus home rather than walking.  My legs hurt! So, I'm still on track.  I'm following the plan (except for that "take time out for meals" part.  I can't imagine that is going to make a huge difference.  I might start to when I get to have better tasting food.  I'll let you know.

Thanks for all the support and sarcastic comments.  I love it.  It keeps me honest.

Day 1 - the embarrassing part

Name: kp Ramsdale
Age: 35
Weight: 179 (note that this is only 1lb less than my highest weight which was about 8 years ago)
Belly (the largest part around my mid area): 39"
Waist (the real waist line): 34.5"
Hips (including the butt): 42"
Left Thigh: 24"
Right Thigh: 24"
Bust (the below part): 35"
Boobs: 41.5"
Left Arm: 13.5"
Right Arm: 13.75"

UGHHHHH!!!!!  So, you probably don't know what that looks like.  Well, lucky for you, I have pictures.  I actually took two sets.  One for you all (because I'm willing to bare MOST of myself) and one for me (because I'm NOT willing to bare that part and DO NOT plan on being in a bikini any time in the near future but still want to make sure it's working every where if you know what I mean).

So, here they are. . . the pictures of my fat ole self.

Things to note about these pictures.  

• I am TOTALLY aware of the blackmail that will ensue.  But oh well.  It's not like some of you haven't seen me on the street.  But it is really terrible to actually post something like this.
• My goal that I mentioned yesterday, these are those jeans - SIZE 10.  I kind of have to paint them on and pull to close the button at the top.
• It's a medium Old Navy tank top.
• yes, my belly is poking out.

So, my first day. . . it wasn't as bad as I thought.  There are two things I want to say right off the bat

1. MAN, did I have to pee a lot today.  I'm not used to drinking so much water, and 2 liters is a lot.
2. I didn't finish all the food.  THERE WAS A LOT.  So, I basically didn't finish some of the sun flower seed and some of the tomatoes.

Other than that, there are several journal guidances in the book to go through. . . so I'll try to answer those questions and tell you how it went today.   Really, all in all, it wasn't that bad.

First they ask me to write down at least three reasons why I have chosen to go on the flat belly diet and they want me to describe how i feel about the 28 days ahead (well really 32).  They ask me what I ate and my hunger rating before and after eating and my mood and any challenges.  So here goes.

Reasons:

1. I miss my old belly and I want to feel better both about myself and feel better physically
2. I want to fit in my old clothes
3. I want to be able to stick to something

How I feel about my impending doom:

Actually, I only feel impending doom about the first 4 days.  After that, I'm not worried - the food looks really good and I like cooking.  Plus I feel like when I look at the recipes and food options that it's a lot of food, so I'm not scared.  In fact, when I shopped yesterday Mikal and I were so surprised at all of the food. . . 

What I ate:

Rice Krispies

Skim Milk

Sunflower seeds

Blueberry smoothy

Applesauce

Turkey

Green Beans

Tomatoes

String Cheese

Potatoes

I may have had something else, but I can't remember.  

I'm tired now, so I'll be off to bed, but I do want to say that I also did the belly workout and the first day of the walking.  But I walk to work regularly anyway, so that's not much of a surprise.  The Belly workout SUCKED!  SUCKED SUCKED SUCKED!  There were five exercises and I could only stand 2 of the types.  But I only had to do 10 reps (1 set) so, I did them all.  That is what I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.  

But I did stick to it for one day.

Enjoy the horrible picture fodder.

I want a flat belly

Don't you?

Either you have one or you don't.  And I have noticed over the last year (basically since I've been dating and happy) I've gotten what people call the boyfriend layer.

I hate it

My clothes don't fit, I look ridiculous and feel really fat.  Generally, it makes me pretty unhappy.  I was just going to accept it and be fat (or fat in my opinion).  Then this weekend, I went with Mikal to his mailbox - he has to drive there as it's outside of Seattle.  He used to have a magazine subscription to a health magazine so he often gets free stuff in the mail.  And today was one of those days.

He came back to the car with three books.  The first was called Flat Belly Diet.  The second, Flat Belly Cook Book and the last was My Prevention Day Calendar.  After sarcastically accusing Mikal of actually getting them for me (he still swears he didn't - I know he didn't, but I like to poke him about it), I started reading the first book.

It was interesting.  And exactly what I was looking for but not willing to buy or start without something happening. . . and I guess it did.  Do you believe in Signs?

After one day, I read the whole book.  And almost the entire cook book.  The first four days look to be VERY painful, but the recipes and food they mention actually look wonderful and full of things I really like.

So. . . .

I'm going to try it.  And you get to watch.

I've taken photos of myself (it's scary to me) and measured myself in all the places you're supposed to measure yourself.

I figure if I tell all of you and some of you actually are watching, I might actually stick to it.  I don't normally stick to these things, so I really really want to and any advice or criticisms you have might be helpful to me over the next 32 days.  Yep, only 32 days.  I think it should be fine, but we'll see.

Tomorrow I'll post the pictures of myself and all the measurements.  I've already shopped for my first full  four days of food and made my first 2 liter batch of Sassy Water (it actually is kind of calming just to make it).

Just so you know AND so I make sure I give credit where credit is due, this is all from Prevention Magazine editors.

One of the things they say to do, is journal every day.  So, you're going to see my journal.  Be it good or bad, you'll see it.  I'll try to be as honest as possible.

The bottom line is that we all feel bad about ourselves one time or another.  This is my time.  I don't like my body and it makes me unhappy.  My ultimate goal is to fit into my size 10 jeans again without the muffin top - it's not a lofty goal - but lofty goals are much more difficult to obtain.  So, if I get to this goal in 32 days, I'll be happy.  This is for me - to feel better about myself again.

Here we go. . .

NUCCA update

so, I've told a TON of people about this recently.  I wanted to give an update about that for you all.

I had my last adjustment on January 19, 2010 - it's now February 17, 2010 and I feel NO PAIN!  really.  I even went on vacation to Europe - four flights - hours of sitting - 10 days of nothing but walking (and I did a lot of it in heels - no kidding) around Europe - sleeping on CRAZY weird beds - and STILL NO PAIN.  It's kind of awesome. 


Here's the website on NUCCA as a whole
http://www.nucca.org/


And here's who I go to in Seattle
http://seattlecompletehealth.com/


Lovin' every minute of no pain.  I have also taken NO pain pills since November.  Not really even Aleve, which is what I usually take.  But to be fair I do take a litany of supplements - well, maybe not a litany, but a lot.  Here's my list.


Vitamin D (I live in Seattle)
Iron (I've been anemic and it really helps with my energy level)
Vitamin B12 (hello energy)
Fish Oil (natural anti-inflammatory)
Body Mint (chlorophyll - check it out - not really for any pain reasons)
Magnesium with Calcium (helps your body heal faster when it's in healing mode.  It apparently takes more magnesium when healing, often leaving your body with a deficiency in magnesium and if you don't have enough, it takes longer to heal).


So, take it for what it's worth. 


Hope you all are well!

NUCCA - something that may change your life - it did mine.

The miracle elixir of life. . . okay, maybe not an elixir, but definitely for me. National Upper Cervical Chiropractic Association. It's a form of chiropractic (and I assure you, I never before would EVER endorse chiropractic work based on my experience as a 22 year-old BUT this is different) that is the movement of the atlas bone that sits at the base of your skull (here's a picture found at this URL).




It feels a bit weird and the whole process is a bit more new age than I care for, but really it does wonders. In late October, my neurosurgeon said that perhaps I should go for a surgical consult because physical therapy wasn't working on my left side and the shots only helped the right side. Surgery. It's a big and scary word and I do not want it (DO YOU? ON YOUR NECK?) I mean, let's be serious, it's not something you sign up for, it's something you are relegated to or are forced to if you decide not to live in a drug-induced haze for the rest of your life (I saw where that led, so I was thinking a new direction might be good).

So, Jen Weitzman (my good friend, confidant, and person I let in the house if it's messy - that's called intimacy people) told me about this thing called NUCCA (previously spelled out) that her sister and grandmother did and were quite the swearer byers. So, I did some research and found a few practioners in Seattle.

I chose based on location rather than by certification. . . Not sure how smart that is going to be, but it works for me.

My first visit, I wasn't sure what to expect. I was told that there were the following activities: a questionnaire (when isn't there a questionnaire), an exam of measurement, two or three x-rays, a consult on the possible issue, an adjustment, a couple more x-rays, and then how to "stay".

I filled out the questionnaire. I think I have told every practioner AND doctor EVERYTHING I've ever done, taken, or planned to do in my entire life in the last few years. It all makes you feel a little nude (can you feel that way, only a little nude?). She kept saying, "you've got a lot going on in there" and "no wonder you hurt".

Great - could you do something about that?

The x-rays are the next step. She said she'd take three. But apparently I was so bent up, she took six.

Then she came in and told me that "you have a lot going on in there". Following that statement with a litany of things about my spine that make me more unique (less than 1% of the population - really? I've been thinking it's me this whole time. . . Wait, it is me - right -*sigh*) than many people she sees. She tells me she's excited to treat me because it will be more of a challenge for her than most cases. Usually, I like being different, but in this case. . . Not so much. I mean, don't you want to be like other cases so there is a chance of being cured like other people?

So then she does the "thing". She has me lay on my left side with my head cradled in this chiropractic table "pillow" which she adjusts for about five minutes while looking at my collarbone, my head, my neck, etc, to get me positioned just right. It's really uncomfortable because my shoulder is taking a lot of weight (very isotonic work). She comes up behind me and breaths in, breaths out, puts her hands in what only I could think to describe as "clay molding" position, taps my head above my ear a couple of times, and then presses right behind my right ear.

I KID YOU NOT, I felt my spine do the domino dance.

She did this "getting ready" bit and nudged my atlas bone (that bit behind my ear) four times. Then told me that my body will try to "heal" for a couple of weeks. That I was to get no massages, do no physical therapy, and just basically take enough magnesium and rest to heal. And to my surprise the amount of pain in my left neck, shoulder, hand area had decreased 50% by the end of that day, so OF COURSE I was going to listen!

For the next several weeks, I went back and was "holding" the adjustment. I hadn't been this pain free in YEARS! I hadn't taken a pain pill in WEEKS! I could feel and it wasn't the bad stuff!

here's her website
http://www.seattlecompletehealth.com/


Then I got sick and started to cough which took out my alignment. Then I went bowling. . . okay, so you need to hold the alignment for a bit, then work out, then it will stay and you need less and less adjustments.

So, I have been in alignment again for a couple of weeks. I'm going abroad this week, so we'll see how it holds. But since I've been holding, I've been doing upper back, shoulder, and neck exercises so I can keep it. But the amount of pain is SUBSTANTIALLY less and I haven't had any tingling in more than a week. So, I highly recommend this stuff. Check it out.

the bad news? Well, my insurance only covers about 50% of the procedures because it's out of network and the x-rays aren't really considered chiropractic. So, My first visit was $450 and each visit (if you get an adjustment) is $60 and (without an adjustment $40). So, I've only gotten 50% of that back. But I think for me, it's worth it. I like not being in pain. It makes me more bearable to be around! And I'm happier. Happy is good. Happy is an endorsement.

Year of Magical Thinking - or SHEER TERROR

Sheer terror might describe how I felt a bit before the show started on Saturday at 2pm. I was going to be trapped in a theater, in not so comfortable seats, for one hour and 45 minutes with no intermission, listening to someone go on about what it felt like when their spouse died. I was truly having an anxiety attack. I wasn't sure I could do it.

But let me set the whole thing up, because, man, this day was a pretty big doozy!

I was having a very lovely Saturday morning. I slept in late and then Mikal and I went to Starbucks (they have nice chairs to relax in) and we read the newspaper, had hot chocolate, did the cross word puzzle (well, attempted anyway), and generally had a lovely morning.

When we got to my house after our morning, I decided to check my mail (this is actually pretty unusual for me on a Saturday morning). I can't even remember why I decided to do this. But I did. . . And I had a shock when I saw an email from my mother. It was about my grandmother. She was ill and probably wasn't going to last more than a few days.

I went into a tizzy and Mikal didn't understand why. So, I explained and then spent the next hour trying to figure out when, how, and how much I could get to Wisconsin. I basically found out that if I left Sunday evening and came back on Wednesday (remember, Hall is coming for Alistair's anniversary. . . ), I could get it for a reasonable price. So, all there was to do was wait. And I had a play to go to. . .

Mikal said, "really, you still want to go?" I mean, I paid for the tickets, we had the time, I didn't have anything else to do except wait to get on a plane the next NIGHT, so yes, I still wanted to go. . . I had been crying all week (Ted Kennedy dying really had me all up in an emotional state too because of all the politics of using his death to get things done - disgusting!) and now I was crying because of my grandmother.

So we went.

I think surreal is probably the best way to describe the whole part before play started. We had tickets to on stage left (or house right). But in doing that, apparently we have to walk by the wall of (is there any way to describe this????). . . The wall of . . . Goodbyes.

I look at the wall, I read the wall, I absorb the wall, then I walk past the wall (without remembering Mikal being there) to my seat. The next fifteen minutes are pure terror. I think, "I can't do this", "what am I doing????", "this isn't fair to Mikal", "I can't do this", "what am I doing", well, you get the idea. I feel like those kids that have the knee taping affliction and I think I actually have this affliction for a bit before the show starts.

Part of the scariness of this play is that there is no intermission, so there is NO WAY to escape without making a bit of a scene (you know, everyone sees you leave).

Then the lights dim, the music starts, the sound of the ocean begins. . . And then her voice. And what is the first thing she says?

“This happened on December 30, 2003. That may seem a while ago but it wont when it happens to you. And it will happen. The details will be different, but it will happen to you. That’s what I’m here to tell you,”

And I understand. ..

I feel relief. . .

She knows. . .

It is understood. . .

"Okay", I say, " I can do this, I know why I'm doing this - and Mikal gets it."

Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. . .

The play is really enjoyable. And as we leave, on the wall of goodbyes, I write "ASR because that's all you'd allow". The only people that need to understand that are me and ASR.

You aren't alone (really even when you think you are).