Sunday, January 26, 2014

adventures during the search for signs of intelligent life in the universe

i got goose bumps today. they came with a heavy side of joy and tears.

i folded six paper cranes, attached them to articulating straws and wrapped them into a bouquet. i put them in my purse, got in the car, started my audiobook and drove to downtown olympia where the State Theater of Harlequin Productions resides and where i would see The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe

the few blocks that surround the old movie theater turned production house is full of charm with its old record store, small diner cafes, and vintage clothing shops. walking into the theater you are met with kind people taking your tickets and letting you know where everything is while you are surrounded by red velvet. 

i took a picture of the program, updated my status, turned off my phone to see what adventure awaited me. 


i had a seat in the front row. to my left, was a season ticket holder who told me the history of Harlequin Productions and how they had started out in the black box of another theater until they could buy the one we were now seated in. she asked me where i was from and upon learning i had travelled from seattle, listening to my audiobook, she asked me, "what is the book about?" as i told you this week, i'm listening to Valis. i replied, "about a crazy person." she blew out air, responding, "well, that seems depressing." to which i laughed because, yes, it is a bit depressing.

the couple to my right complimented me on my converse shoes and how exciting it had been to have a pair "back in the day." they joked with me about whether or not they were near intelligent life, which i, of course denied, letting them know the search would continue should it have stopped by me first. they laughed and asked me what i did and i told them about my nerd herding in seattle and aspirations on being a writer.  

we wound ourselves into talk of the seahawks which turned into being part of the fan base as sort of a connection and how being part of the connection of any audience is part of the experience; even here, the theater we were about to see. the woman specifically said, it's all about "synchronicity." a term i have, of late, become very obsessive about. and is about to become acutely present. the man turned to me and said, "this may sound strange, but we are writers, too."

when i asked, he told me he has published some humorous short stories. he asked what i wrote, i told him i had published a short story, as well. he asked me what it was about. i told them it was a bit of a fantasy story, but really it was a fictionalized story about how i moved through the grieving process. when i asked what she wrote, she told me, she too, is writing a story about a grieving process. i asked him for the name of his book, and he wrote it down for me, right as the lights were going down for the show.

the show. the show was brilliant. perfect. moving. i am not normally a reviewer of shows and i know the convention is to tell you something about what the show is about and then critique it. i won't tell you what the show is about. i want you to trust me. go and see it - read what i have written above about my pre-show experience, and then experience this show. it was pure synchronicity for me. 

the part of the convention of which i will conform is the critique part. as a stage manager over the last 24 years, i often have a difficult time watching any show without noticing all of the technical elements as separate from the acting and most definitely separate from the writing. but in this case, everything worked together. a concept i've mostly forgotten. 

Terri Weagant's delivery of this material was funny, quirky, compelling, intense and athletic. she lived each moment. she can go from a midwestern housewife to an angsty teenager like flipping a switch; from prostitute to pondering homeless woman like water running over two well worn stones. The subtly with which she brings the opening character around through the story is delicate but not so quiet that you miss the "ah ha" moment (that actually happened out loud in the audience). she can bring you to the verge of tears but then pull you back while you wipe your cheek, unsure about whether the wetness is due to laughter or sadness.

the combination of sound design by Jesse McNeece and lighting design by Amy Chisman brings both humor and wonder as Terri flies between time and space.  My favorites here are the channels changing which is reminiscent of The Twilight Zone (a favorite of mine), the appearance of "space chums"(i don't want to give too much away here), and the sound that took me from one time to another that i can only equate to a good drum line - but that's not even right. but it was cool. and lastly, the stars. . .and honestly, that part was even cooler than i can explain because of the set design by Mark Bujeaud. He made a set that seemed too simple but was designed to be put together like the puzzle you are challenged to determine throughout the show. it was a perfect and clever metaphor.

and i must give props to the stage manager, Vanessa Postil, for, without her, space chums could not have arrived with precision, time could not have shifted, space could not be stretched. she must be tied to Terri very tightly for those things to come off so fluidly and exactly. 

and it gave me goose bumps.

and i cried. unabashedly, completely, proudly, sadly, and joyously.

i gave Terri the cranes, we hugged, we talked, we broke bread. it was awesome. it was a good day. i met a lovely little theater and breathed in art. i feel restored.

Friday, January 24, 2014

today someone asked me where my blog post was. . .

which is both amazing and awful.  amazing because people care and are keeping me accountable.  it is awful because I'm a bit behind on some things which of course sucks - because i'm accountable for not meeting the goal exactly.  I'm actually ahead on other things, but mostly behind.

the more amazing thing, though, several people i admire, who are writers too, have talked to me about their next writing adventures and their goals. it's amazing. i love it. i'm enjoying every second of reading, learning, absorbing, but also sharing and talking.

so here goes.


the things you DON'T see here are

  1. that i'm at 0% for both completed stories and reading of any plays. . . but i'll get there.
  2. a blog i have started that really has nothing to do with this, but i'm trying to find a finish to. i'm pretty sure i'll finish it this weekend.
  3. two stories that are in partial states of completion.
  4. the excitement i feel for the shit i'm doing.
i don't feel too badly about this. i mean, the films are easy because it's pretty easy to put something on.  if you like it, you really get into it.  i LOVED All About Eve - super clever. and of course - Betty Davis. last night i watched Mildred Pierce - the original from 1945, not the one they did in mini series with Kate Winslet (though, i'm hooked now and am likely to watch that too).

i started reading Philip K. Dick which has been really interesting.  Valis is amazing and i am loving some short stories.  i hear he's a misogynist but so far in the things i've read, it's not so much that - a little in Second Variety.  i actually loved this story until about three pages until the end. . . which is when it became predictable. but this Valis novel. . . it is so . . . revealing to me.  revealing of parts of my life i didn't really understand.  i think it's kind of unlocking some things i experienced in my earlier life. saying that is a bit scary as it will likely give you some insight to my life without any context. 

but i'm super excited with some new developments. . . one i'm not ready to talk about but the other is that my writing conference is only three weeks away.  it's motivation for sure.

i'm moving forward - that's the good thing. and to be honest - right now i'm focused on the good things.

here's what i'll leave you with this week - i was dog sitting last weekend with a wonderful puppy (he's like 70lbs and not really a puppy, but damn, gotta love that face - he's all love). we were napping after some writing. 

Thursday, January 16, 2014

caching my life force tokens

today was a reminder of how much i still have to grow as a person.  i believe days like today happen soley to knock me off my high horse. . . and was karmically capped off with Facebook telling me i am Darth Vader...

and actually, i'm not totally destroyed - which is sort of new.

but also, days like today also remind me how much i love what i do and how much i love the people around me and really, how much they love me back.


first - i have to say that i'm especially sensitive today to being irritated due to the healing of my most awesome tattoo - it itches so badly that i am concerned i might actually commit homicide if someone looks at me the wrong way - which would really be a waste of a homicide. . . if i'm gonna play that chip, i probably should make it count (for those of you that don't know me well, please note this is not actually a real concern). and part of this easily irritateable state is due to my (not public so don't ask me) endeavor to actually quit smoking. but didn't tell you that.

second - due to the most awesome best friend, i did not sleep a lot last night as i was out late belatedly celebrating my birthday at Aragona (i'm gonna have to write about that too).



third - i even PREDICTED yesterday that i would fail epically in a meeting today. and i did. epically.

fourth - i had to change my password - which, means i had to actually think - annoying

fifth - in and effort to give someone i work with a good surprise, i managed to lock him out of everything and make him a whole bunch of extra work without even notifying him that i was about to totally mess up his stuff - and then going to lunch and not noticing his calls - and he genuinely was happy to handle the chaos i created because i listened

sixth - i picked a fight with my boss without even meaning to

seventh - i sounded all "know-it-all" today - and wow, that girl is a bitch.

eighth - accidentally sending my back tattoo to the 11 year old daughter of one of my co-workers. . .she must have been terrified. . . and that could have gone all kinds of bad


BUT - so much happened too, that counteracted that shitty stuff.

exhibit a) Tiffany brought me chocolate because i was feeling so badly.

exhibit b) Julie came by after saving up the banana laffy taffys for me, which probably means she had to fend off very sugar crazed technologists

exhibit c) randomly going to lunch alone because i could not live without a burger and meeting Jason, Eric, Chris and Trish and having a wonderful time.

exhibit d) my boss coming to me and telling me how i might have approached today better and complimenting me on my ability to recognize my own failures

exhibit e) Scott asking me (after so many years) if he could glean any of my lessons about my current reading/writing goal (and he's a totally ridiculously scandalously talented and funny writer)

exhibit f) Melinda and i setting up lunch to talk before she finishes her book

exhibit g) getting tweets from Alexa about how i help inspire her (she has no idea how cool i think she is and to get those tweets is pretty fucking mind-blowing)

exhibit h) getting Darth Vader on Facebook (i mean seriously, i'm not so secretly fucking psyched that i'm vader - duh)

exhibit i) being passionate about my team and my work and still getting outraged at the inhumanity of it all when i could just be jaded

exhibit j) being ok about my failure today. i mean, at least i knew it would be a trigger and how i would be. and now, i can figure out how to not do that next time.

exhibit k) my actual ability to breath and not be pissed off that mindful breathing works. . .

exhibit l) coming home to a full fridge full of things my husband got for me specifically because i love these things (like beer and cheese - yeah, i'm so from wisconsin)

i'm glad that life isn't really like a video game and life force tokens can be cached rather than limited to 5 and crash over the bank of all the following days.

i'll leave you with something else that made me smile. . . a picture from 5 years ago when i was stage manager of an opera in New York.  dude, that was fucking awesome.




Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Stuffing my brain

i'm actually pretty impressed with myself. i have been stuffing and stuffing my brain with things (here's the original post).  i don't know that i'm doing it the way in which Mr. Bradbury was suggesting, but i am gorging myself with things.

and keeping track.  i'm one day behind because i didn't sleep the night before, but really - i'm reading and thinking and watching and thinking and consuming and thinking.  and i'm writing too. . . not as much as i know i can. but i am writing.

so strictly the numbers, sir.  it is day 14 of  the year 2014 and i should have read (until today) 13 short stories, 13 essays, and 13 poems.  i should have watched 2 old movies and written 2 short stories.  and i should be half way through my first novel. so - here's the tally (shoulda, coulda, woulda)

Short Stories --> Goal = 13; Actual = 12 - a little behind
Novel --> Goal = .5; Actual = 2 - HOLY RAVIOLI
Poem --> Goal = 13; Actual = 15 - it's not that hard
Short Story --> Goal = 13; Actual = 12 - a little behind
Film --> Goal = 2; Actual = 2 - this is a bit harder than i thought, but CHECK!
Blog --> no goal. . . weird. . . but i have this one and another one started. . . maybe they are essays. . .
Written Short Story --> Goal = 2; Actual = .5 - i working' on it
Play --> Goal .5; Actual = 0. . . but i got time
Show --> Goal = 1; Actual = 1 (i even stage managed it and had a freakin' blast)
Story Ideas --> no goal - but i got 7. . . so, i'm getting some great material for going forward.

sometimes it's really easy and sometimes it is really hard.  it's really hard when i'm tired and when i hate what i'm reading and when i can't seem to get the gumption to open a book or the computer. . . i get distracted and obsess about whatever it is that i want to do but can't for some reason instead of doing the thing i SHOULD be doing (or apparently WANT to be doing). . . i'm so much an enfp when it comes to that - distracted and can't finish anything.

it's really easy when i'm in the mood. . . but i don't know what triggers the mood. i am trying to figure it out. sometimes it's myself forcing me to actually do it because i always thank myself in the end (you know, like when you don't want to go out, but do anyway and are glad you did because you had so much fun? yeah, like that).  sometimes i can't stop thinking about the thing i need to write down so i write it down, but then can't convert (oh, the humanity. . . football references - my apologies. . .)

i want to talk to people about what i'm reading. but there are things to be done, and order to be followed, traditions to complete and needs to fulfill. work, outings, shows, cooking, cleaning, vegging, listening, loving. . . you know the rest of the life you live. so, i drink deeply when given the opportunity to talk about them. you are my captives, so i will indulge and share a few of my loves and hates of the last 14 days.

Kurt Vonnegut's  Novel MotherNight - beautiful and sad and . . . an honesty you feel yourself but never reveal. . . that's ok - he did it for you. i hear this is not typical of his writings. . . which i cannot know is good or bad or sad or just different. i will have to put another on the list to find out.

I know the Truth - a poem by MarinaTsvetaeva - you get it in so many different translations and luckily i stumbled upon one of the better ones. this line makes me fall in love with it each time. "The starry blizzard soon will freeze into the heaven" - i can see the blizzard of stars freezing into a beautiful heaven. if only i could find a picture of how this projects in the theater of my mind. i would let you in for just a moment to see it - it is more treasured than the locked and bullet proofed Mona Lisa. oh, to be a painter for this one.

on the lighter side, there is an essay by MauriceBaring (i actually have to figure out who that is) that is a letter from one of King Lear's (of the Shakespeare fame) daughters to her sister. It's an essay (though that seems weird to me), and very funny to me. . . however, i'm sure, given the King Lear play, the letter is likely not have been written with the satire i so see it.

another beautiful writing is an essay by CynthiaOzick called A Drugstore in Winter.  i don't know how to explain, but so . . . how i feel. . . it expresses me and make me love this woman as a kindred.

and, though, not keeping with Mr. Bradbury's edict of "the old ones" because i don't believe all the modern stuff is chum (as VirginiaWoolf begs us to remember in her 1925 essay about critics), my favorite short story (that i read for this)  is that of Neil Gaiman from Smoke and Mirrors called The Goldfish Pond and Other Stories. it is a sad recounting of how we can learn beautiful and wonderful things but forget them so easily because we are lulled into the banality of life. . . or maybe it is those glimmers we remember that allow him to weave the tale so we can bookmark it in our brains as something once shiny and new.  i say, favorite story that i read for this because my absolute favorite story he wrote (in short form - oh so many qualifications) is called The Price (from the same collection).  i didn't think it fair i re-read something i know i love for this stuffing of my head. but read this thing called The Price. . . especially if you are a cat person. 

it seems fitting that this is the author i feel i enjoyed most as he is a large reason i decided do this "challenge." like an omen, i first heard about Ray Bradbury shortly after i started following Mr. Gaiman on twitter. and then, slowly, over the next two years, i would randomly hear/see things about Mr. Bradbury. . . the last straw was when i chose to randomize my 3000 songs on my iPhone and Gaiman's The Man Who Forgot Ray Bradbury came on first. i decided to listen to Ray's talk then.  and now i'm loving learning and reading and consuming and feeling. . .so thanks neil.

there are so many to tell about and to type them all reviews here seems. . . too much and overwhelming, not only for me, but maybe for you too. i'll have to do something about that - maybe a page with what i've read and my rating. . . i don't know - anyway - i love doing this so far.

this is sort of a check in - i don't think for you as it is for me. . . thanks for listening

i know this i'm doing a lot to stuff my brain with reading and writing, but a while ago, on Facebook there was this "chain letter" of sorts about art (if you are Facebook, you would remember, but if you aren't, no worries. . . i don't think it matters) and i was given the artist Rene Magritte and i chose this beautiful painting, so i'll leave you with this. . .it's beautiful and i'd like to write a story about it.





Wednesday, January 01, 2014

Living the Ray Bradbury Way

I'm a terrible writer.  I don't necessarily mean I'm bad at writing, but I'm a terrible writer in the way that someone who is a hockey fan is terrible if they don't know who Bobby Hull (though, this is my favorite pop culture reference) or Wayne Gretzky is.  Until about two years ago, I had never heard of Ray Bradbury.  Don't judge. . .I'm a late bloomer.

And then for the two years following, I heard things about him and his writing and his 2001 "Evening with Ray Bradbury" address. Then came the last straw. I was reading through some of my "trade" IT blog entries and one of my favorite ones, Rands in Repose, posted this.  Except, it wasn't really the last straw because even though I read the short post, I didn't actually I DO anything except click a flag on my to do list so I would eventually look at it.

Which I did. On December 31, 2013. New Year's Eve. I listened to the hourish talk and it put me on a TEAR. I wrote 6 pages in my journal and I had an idea.  I mean, it was NYE and I was reflecting and I was lamenting on my lack of meeting my goals from last year (I haven't written the final recap post on that because it is so depressing. .. but you can read the update in the middle of the year here). And I thought, shit, I have to do something because what I'm doing is not making me happy. When I write, I'm happy and I'm not writing.

I could write about all the reasons I'm not writing, but the more important thing to do is just write.  So, back to my idea.

I want to live 2014 the way of Ray Bradbury.

The goal? Well, the short version is here (thank you Collin Marshall @colinmarshall).  The complete version is here.



But for me, there is a slightly longer"ish" version.

The year of 2014 will consist of the following for me:
  1. Reading 365 poems - I'm taking suggestions for good poets 
  2. Reading 365 essays - anyone have good ones? I'm starting with George Bernard Shaw
  3. Reading 365 short stories - so. . . also, some suggestions are encouraged
  4. Reading 12 books (I usually can do more than this, but with all this other reading, I figure 12 is a good number)
  5. Reading 6 plays - I love plays, but I don't read them and haven't read them unless I've had to work on one.  It is silly that I don't, so I plan on it. And 6 is a lot given all the other reading I said I would do, no?
  6. Watching 52 "old" movies - old is a relative term for me and Ray - old to me is from before I was born. . . old to him was the 20's and 30's - but don't worry, I won't shut them all out.
  7. Going to the library 12 times (monthly if you aren't into doing math)
  8. Seeing 12 shows of the art variety - maybe they'll be plays, maybe they'll be art shows, maybe they'll be comedy shows.  But I have to go see something monthly. So, if you have something you want to go see, I'm game - just ask.
  9. Writing about my experience doing these things here, on this blog.  I know if I put a number here, I'll fucking fail at it.  So, I won't.  But I do want to do it often enough to see if it works.
  10. Being inspired to keep writing
  11. Writing 52 short stories because I want to see if I can defy Mr. Ray. . . I'm hoping I cannot.
  12. Asking myself if, when I'm writing, do I feel joy?
  13. Keeping a journal next to my bed and writing in the mornings.  I loved doing that before and I stopped when I filled a journal.  I have four to fill this year. . .
  14. Trying to love myself - this one is the hardest because I think it is the real thing that makes me unhappy. I don't know how to do it, and I think and hope that by doing these thing, I will love myself more.
Some of these are very easy - just - time consuming.  In fact, I have exactly 2 hours to do #1-3 today.  The others are harder. And scarier.

So. . . here's to trying.  Someone wise told me that (and I'm paraphrasing) trying can't be worse than not trying and if you decide later that trying isn't worth it, you can always go back.

Raising my glass to you and the year of 2014!