Showing posts with label Young women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Young women. Show all posts

Friday, January 20, 2017

Why I March

Yesterday, I went to the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C. My first time there, the day before the inauguration of #notmypresident (this is the name I will use to refer to the 45th president) to see what it was like. People were preparing for the early evening concert kick off of the inaugural festivities.

What I saw profoundly saddened me.

There were mostly two kinds of #notmypresident supporters.

The first kind were the kind I wanted to yell at. The ones who, like me, have so much privilege. They were affluent white women and men. They were coiffed and with perfect make-up, beautiful clothing, and expensive sunglasses and boots. Their children had Uggs or were dressed in suits with elephant pins, very Michael Keaton. They had #notmypresident’s merch on their heads, necks, and lapels. They were holding flags boasting of an America that needed to be put right. They didn’t look at me as I didn’t have any outward showing merchandise. And if they did look at me, it was to look me up and down from head to toe and either look away before they got to my face OR they would make a snide comment to their companions, something like, “wow. That’s. . . That’s something.” And if one did look me in the eye, I would smile. An act almost never reciprocated except by much older white men. No, I am not making this up.


The second kind? Rural and blue collar. Rural, blue collar with southern accents. The kind I heard, when asking for the price of the t-shirts and scarves, say they couldn’t afford that. Or that they’d be back. And if they did have #notmypresident merch, it was camouflage. The kind who,when we looked each other in the eye, smiled back at me. The ones, when asked by reporters why the supported #notmypresident said, “because he’s going to bring jobs back.” And, “the media lied about the polls for the election, so I believe you are lying now about his approval ratings.” These were the people that would actually talk to the “other side” and answer questions honestly and with no trace of malice towards the asker about their president.

I also believe these are people that will lose with #notmypresident.

And mostly, there were little to no people of color, except for the people putting up the fences or working the security lines or police officer working for these concert attendees’ safety. Seriously.
————————————————————
There was an African American man selling #notmypresident T-shirts, from a black garbage bag. I was walking alone and he was alone between the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial. As I walked towards him, I smiled, and he smiled back. I decided to get brave, and ask, “Do you support him?” I tried to use a truly curious tone as I was honestly truly curious.

He broke out into an even wider smile, but bowed his head and shrugged his shoulders forward. If I had to apply a word to his action, it would be “sheepish.” He looked sheepish. . . And here’s what he said next.

“Awww, I don’t know, man. I do know he gonna bring jobs back. That I know. All the rest of that politic stuff. . . Man, I don’t know.”

I smiled back at him and said, “thank you for talking to me.”

He smiled back and said, “thank you, ma’am”
——————————————————————
While I was standing at the corner, watching one of what would be many police escorts of black vans and Escalades or Semi trailers pulling concrete barriers, a youngish man with #notmypresident merch told me I could get a deal today. A one day only deal.

“No thank you.”

“It’s a special price, really, I’ll give you a special price.”

“No, I don’t think I’m going to buy any of it.”

“If you buy it, you can burn it.” His realization based, likely, on my tone of voice, one of slightly disguised disgust covered by mirth from such a thought.

“No, but thank you. Really.”

“Just so you know, some of the proceeds go to Breast Cancer research.”

I smile and shake my head a little, thinking he knows his audience, at least. “No, but I appreciate that.”

“You have a good day, ma’am.”

———————————————————————
I went to the American History Museum.

At lunch, I sat across from a young white woman with her laptop open, slouched very low in her seat. The laptop had stickers screaming, “Question Authority” and “Feminist.” If you looked closely, you could see a sticker featuring Hillary Clinton among many other stickers of our today’s youth. But she, herself, looked sad and perhaps a bit nervous. She spent the lunch picking at her food, writing phrases in her book that I am almost certain came from the surrounding #notmypresident supporters. At the end of lunch, I handed her a You Are Beautiful sticker (https://you-are-beautiful.com/) and said, “In solidarity.” It was the first time I saw her smile. I then said, “it’s hard being here today, huh?” She vigorously nodded and then said in a very hushed voice, “are you marching Saturday?” I nodded my head. She smiled again, dipped her head and said, even more quietly, “I’ll see you there.”

And it did feel tenuous at the museum. Strained. There were many families there supporting #notmypresident. Many privileged white kids scoffing at the museum articles. I even heard one very beautiful young girl, while flipping her hair, walking through the civil rights war exhibit, “wow, look at all of these guns. Cool.” Did I mention she didn’t even stop to look at any of the artifacts or read any of the descriptions. And her tone wasn’t sarcasm. Guns are cool. No matter that thousands lost their lives so she could come through this museum free of charge. This may feel judgmental, and it is. I feel sad she doesn’t care. I feel sad no one taught her to care.

————————————————————

I feel sad I didn’t know to care about politics and history and my country and fellow Americans until now.

I recently watched this video of a young man, much younger than me, rapping about how he’s angry people are angry at him for not caring or being lazy. That it’s unfair that people are angry at him because no one taught him his human rights (I think he even says, “did you know we had that?”). No one taught him how his government actually works. No one taught him how to do his taxes, or what voting meant. And I thought back to my own education.

I grew up in an white middle class mid-western town. I was lucky because it was a college town. A very liberal college town, in a state that usually went blue due to Madison and Milwaukee. I learned how to do my taxes before I graduated, you couldn’t graduate until you knew how to balance a checkbook or do your taxes and for that I am grateful.

But I also remember I had only one civics class. Our teacher was a bullish wrestling coach. And I loved his class. We learned about history through songs like American Pie. But honestly, I don’t feel enough focus on our government process. Though, to be fair, when I was in Forensics, I didn’t do the debate team, I did storytelling. And in my family, back then, I was told, “Voting is a very personal decision, we don’t talk about it.”

And so I didn’t learn. And the first year I voted (which wasn’t the first time I could I am saddened to report), I voted for a Bush. And I did that because the only thing I knew was what was around me. And by that point I was living in a rural community. It was before the internet was really a thing and the people I lived around were Republicans who kept telling me Clinton had ruined our country. I did no research, I read no newspapers, and I only watched coverage of an impeachment that felt more like a circus than government, so of course I voted that way.

Luckily, I started to meet more people. The internet started to be a thing. I read newspapers, had conversations, asked questions, watched proper news reporting. And I voted again.

And I became informed. I voted for and saw the first African American president and equal rights for all to marry the person they want to marry.

In the last year, my best friend became an American citizen, I volunteered and helped set up an office for the democratic party in a depressed area of Pennsylvania and I voted for, who I thought would become the first woman President.

I did those things because I have learned that being informed and involved is how you protect your rights and the rights of others. Despite the fact that many think there aren’t problems in government preventing equality in relation to race, gender, sexual orientation, religion and other marginalized groups, there are. Big problems.

And that is why I will march tomorrow, with my sisters; we will not be ignored.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Falling down while looking for direction

A couple of weeks ago, I posted about the struggle that young women have today. I've been obsessively thinking about it and talking with my friends . It was really interesting how, without much work, effort, or thinking, how many things related to this subject came up in just the first 5 days after getting all worked up.  Kickstarter campaigns (another obsessive activity), news articles, twitter and facebook posts, television shows I watch, books in my house, and people at work.

I thought - THIS is my new direction!!!  THIS is the purpose I'm looking for. Epiphany HAD OCCURRED and now everything would be ALL BETTER.  I know I can help show there are wonderful role models for young women in the world.  I just hadn't quite worked out the HOW that was going to happen.

this is how I felt - and Willie hung in there with me
Then - depression hit - a melancholia of the deepest order landed on my lap - manic periods ensued - days of eating the WORST  foods stretched not only my will, but my stomach. All this culminated in three days of no sleep.  I could barely work on that Friday morning. The words coming out of my mouth only really made sense as individual words, not entire coherent sentences.  I determined I needed to go to sleep (duh, I know).

Then the thing the following three days became my saving grace.  Again (not that it is surprising that I talk too much but) - please hang in there with me, this will all make sense in the end (I hope).

Day 1 (a Saturday) - I spent the entire day with my husband.  We went to see Prometheus (this will need to be another post because there is much to say there) and then went shopping for duct tape (really, Gorilla tape, but to help those that understand duct tape onboard. ..it's duct tape) and pillow filler. I believe you are now confused - so let me explain.

I like to sew.  I have been making clothing for a long time in my life and it helps fulfill a weird artistic thing in my soul.  Some folks like to sew quilts, some do costumes, and some do bags. Mostly, I like to sew dresses and skirts (it's a bit selfish, but whatever, I feel like the end product is more likely to be used than if I did any of the others, PLUS, I'm the only one I have to please, so I'm heading off rejection just in case). I can get most stuff done well enough, but sometimes  there comes a point where it becomes, well,  exhausting - it goes something like this.

  1. get up off the floor (my sewing table in my only table and it's a coffee table which naturally leads to me sitting on the  floor in front of the machine).
  2. get naked
  3. put on item
  4. go to the mirror
  5. attempt to pin or draw on you waist, boob, or back/butt (the last is the hardest, I'm sure you can imagine)
  6. take off said item without poking yourself (not easy, just not easy)
  7. reclothe
  8. get back on floor
  9. sew
  10. repeat 
The process often takes more time than I have patience for. To be successful at sewing for myself, it is a GREAT help to have a body form - and so, I lack a body form.

It's really Gorilla Tape
How does this relate to duct tape and pillow stuffing?  Well, after doing much googling, reading, and watching of youtube videos, I  learned I could make my own body form with duct tape.  You see, I wanted instant gratification rather than having to go out and purchase one at a store or online. Plus, it's supposed to be less expensive.

So - after Prometheus, I had Mikal duct tape me into a body form.  Note this is an EMBARRASSING picture, but I know you wanted to see it.

It was less than successful - I think Mikal would have called it a success if he could have left me in it. . . However, it turns out, we didn't do it tightly enough and my boobs looked as big as the rest of me.  I'll add here, that I had a self esteem dip due to this misrepresentation of my body.  Mikal and I both agreed that I did NOT look like the duct tape clone which made the dip, not so bad.

The important part of Day 1 was that we did a project together.  We talked, watched a movie and had kind of a fun time duct taping and being duct taped.  It was a fun spending time together.  Recharge #1 - time spent with my husband.

a body form will
help me finish it!
Day 2 - DESPITE the failed body form attempt, I spent the day sewing a dress - it's still not done, but it's pretty close!  The important part of this day is that I accomplished something I had forgotten I liked so much.  recharge #2.

Day 3 - I had a pretty hard conversation  with my boss about my unhappiness.  He and I agreed that this had not that much to do with work and more to do with life. - this feeling isn't going to last forever, it will pass, I just have to figure out how to get there.  Without my knowing it, I had started this journey to get back to fully recharged (see Day 1 and Day 2)

So, that night I went to see Ciara, my best friend and another touch stone I need to be normal (she was also in the post of women I  admire). She was leaving in a few days to Spain for a month.  I had not seen her in about a month and I absolutely could NOT miss a chance to see her before she went on her trip!  I had stayed away for so long because I had mistakenly thought that she needed some space.  When in reality, she'd been finding things to do because I was busy.  My time with Ciara was completely needed to fill my tank up to full.

After leaving Ciara's, I came home and slept soundly for the first time in more than a week.

What these three days taught me is that I have neglected myself and helped myself into my crazy spiral of depression by NOT CONNECTING with the three people I need in order to stay grounded: my husband, myself, and my best friend.  I hadn't been able to think straight because I didn't do what I knew to be true (and had been reminded of with that Meyer's Briggs test) - I need people to be me - Recharge #3

So, having gone through this epiphany, depression and then understanding, I understand that I need to go through a process to figure out what I want and can do about promoting women role models.  Maybe even that phrase "promoting women role models" isn't exactly the end result I'll find.  But I know I want to do something with all of this information about awesome women I know or don't know about.  I want it to be a journey to find the end product.  I don't know what the end product will be, but it will be a journey.

I'm now ok with the fact that I don't know, but I do know that it will be a process and sometimes, being IN the process is the right thing.

So - what does my epiphany and journey mean for all of you? Here is what I can tell you.
  • I'm going to write about that journey here. Every post may not seem related, but they are all related to how I go through the journey I call my life and will shape anything that becomes an end product.
  • There will be a page on this blog that has links or notes on all of my "research" about this journey
  • I'll be reaching out to EVERYONE I know and maybe those that I don't know to get  more information and more research
  • But MOSTLY, if you so choose, it means you will be able to:
    • Come along on my journey
    • Call me out when I need your help to remind me that all is not lost
    • Celebrate with me when I have triumphs 
    • Teach me about what I need to know to stay on the journey
So - things to look forward to (at least for me, and maybe for you!)

  • A body form!!!  I'm buying one - any suggestions of type would be appreciated, but here's the one I'm currently researching.
  • discussion about some of my favorite people's women they admire (here are a few)
    • Klondike Kate
    • Geena Davis
    • Rachel Maddow
    • Dorothy Parker
    • Madeleine Albright
  • More about the women I talked about before and maybe some new ones (like Ultra - my comic hero)
  • Kickstarter campaigns that promote women as role models
  • Maybe interviews with those that want to support this sort of thing (Megan - I'm talking about you and that cool event you went to last night!)
  • news articles we should be reading
  • opinions about all of this stuff
  • you helping me through this journey and being part of it

Saturday, May 26, 2012

The struggle for young women today

It's weird how things come together . . . hang with me here, this will all make sense in a minute (or more)

About three days ago, I was reading my facebook feed and an article from NPR came up. It was an article on the first female african american CEO of a fortune 500 article, Ursula Burns.  I loved the article and thought about sharing it with some of my female co-workers because it had some pretty cool things in it about women and how we should be empowered and just rock it.

Then I got angry.

WHY IS THIS REMARKABLE in 2012?  WHY ARE WE WRITING ARTICLES ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO MAKE IT AS A WOMAN (or any part of the "minority")?  WHY? IN 2012?

Because the tragedy of it all is - it is still remarkable in this day and age.  

So, I didn't share the article.  I went on my way ignoring the reality of the situation.  I don't want this reality to be true, so therefore, I pretend it doesn't happen.  And a typically random but wonderful way, I ended up talking about this article with someone I work with who is a fellow female.  She felt the same way - WHY IS THIS NEWS??  It made me feel just defeated that this is still an issue.  And my ignoring the reality is contributing to the fact that it is the reality.

It's funny because I feel like I talk about a lot of things pretty openly.  I give my opinion about anything and everything, but this particular issue, I do not opine or lament about the inequalities for women.   EVER.  I think I thought this type of strategic silent rejection of the situation would make it not so.  I walk the walk so I can talk the talk in so many other ways, I think I felt that by walking the walk (being a good role model by action) that I could talk the talk - unfortunately, we are not there yet for that.  There are still too many "the first female " articles out there for me to just pretend it doesn't exist.

So, last night, I came home and started talking to Mikal about it last night.  And he shared a commercial he remembered about this topic.
Even he was lamenting the choices for his daughter.  I want my step daughter to have role models that ARE NOT reality stars, NOT celebrities for showing skin, NOT fashion models that contribute to eating disorders, NOT famous people that have been made.  I want my step daughter to look up to real women that have MADE THEMSELVES, and are NOT made by an anonymous metaphorical machine.

Women like the following remarkable, amazing  women.

Liz Burns Good - Production Manager for Pearl Jam - one of the ONLY women doing this kind of job for a band of this scale - She hires women and works in a music world old boys club. I am honored to call her my friend.

Terri Weagant - a passionate, courageous, talented artist, director, writer and dreamer - she makes fantastic dreams into reality. I could not have made it through the first part of 2012 without,her, my kindred spirit.

Amanda F'ing Palmer - someone that challenges the status quo for the good of the craft.  She doesn't follow the crowd.  I am proud to have contributed to her cause.

Sharon Nelson - an award winning science teacher and mentor.  She inspired me then and now works with other women to inspire them (including my mom).

Ciara McGrath - a fearless traveller and passionate civil rights activist.  She reminds me every day to reach for places unknown.  Plus, no one can have a beer in a cool bar in a foreign place better than  she! She is my friend and my family.

These are people I want to be like - that I wish I had as much talent, patience, honesty and integrity that they have.  Some are people that I've never met, some are very close to me, some are famous, and some aren't (but should be).

With my discovery of Amanda Palmer, recent connection with a kindred spirit, meeting of new people, and the discussions about why I pretend the inequality of women in the world doesn't exist, and the fact that I'm now a step mother - I have to take a more active role.  I want to inspire like these women.  I want to challenge the current standard, I want there to be NO NEWS - it should just BE.  I want to be part of that.

I'm going to actively have this discussion from now on - I will not be silent.  I will walk the walk and talk the talk in a different way - in a way that will change the WHY these stories are remarkable.  We are remarkable, not because we are the "first" to do anything - we are remarkable, because we ARE remarkable.