An overwhelming and heartfelt thank you

I am humbled by the response to my last post. I also want to assure everyone that I am good (though that word doesn't even come close to the feelings I am having today) and haven't felt this good in a long time. Writing this made me release it out into the wild and no longer hold on to it, letting it fester and eat me alive. It's a piece of freedom to me.

I am afraid to post more for fear that all will think I am terribly sad. I am sad I don't get to have Alistair anymore. However, if I write how this all went, I will be a much more peaceful person. I love sharing it with all of you because I have been INCREDIBLY blessed to have all of you in my life helping me through this.

I think you deserve to know it all. Some of you have heard bits and pieces of this and I'm not really sure how to present it in a coherent manner. I don't want to post only the sad parts of my life over the last year and four months, I want to share the great things too. The memories, the revelations, the difficulties. It's a bit of my therapy. The world is opening up to me in a way I never imagined or thought was possible and sharing each of these things opens it a bit wider.

Alistair and I always loved adventures. Even little adventures and so this experience is just another adventure. Some of it is wonderful, some of it is completely mundane, some of it is very sad and scary, and some of it is things I am not proud of. But all of it is me, all of it is true, and all of it is freedom. Freedom to be sad, freedom to be happy, freedom to dream, freedom to remember, and freedom to be open to the next adventures.

I love your support, feedback, comments, and I want you to continue to do so. But just to repeat and be clear - this is my therapy and it is my gift to you so you all have the whole story and not just the pieces I felt okay to share with individuals. Please don't be sad, please don't be burdened, please just share in my journey to the freedom of the next adventure.

gosh - that was a bit preachy. okay - done with preachy. Love you all, thank you all and I hope in any small way, it touches you to hold what you love close, always say I love you and often, and to know it's okay to let things go.

hasta la pasta - my next post? my blind date with genius.